I am the first fulltime minister to grace the halls of this little church. My forerunners and current compadres in ministry here have different functional or working titles than mine. For example, the man who preaches here is Garth the Basketball Coach. The worship leader is Randy the Christian School Super. But I wear the mark of the minister. It is my only claim to fame here. I am Eric the Idealistic/Skeptic, Recent Seminary (they would never use this word) Grad Minister. It hangs on my neck like a millstone. The scarlet M is embroidered, no emblazoned on my chest. When people try to look me in the eyes, they are distracted by the strange markings on my forehead, the Mark of the Minister.
Frankly, and with only slight exaggeration, it is quickly becoming one of the banes of my existence. Natalie and I are invited to join small groups and special groups that get together for fellowship in the Spirit, but only when they need us to take part in some special discussion. We are the anomaly, not the norm. In fact, if there is ever any doubt about whether something is a regular gathering or meant for some special purpose, a quick scan of the room will let them know. If the Magna-dar starts to beep, it must be a special meeting.
I have also quickly discovered that, as the fulltime guy, I am obviously at the root of whatever problem there may be. I am the stable presence at the building. I am a conduit for the distribution and dissemination of a lot of information and ideas. Therefore, when it goes wrong, when there is a bump in the road, when the famous
Honestly, how did they get by without me? Not that I am doing much of anything spectacular in the way of ministry. I would never assume that I am irreplaceable. But, how did they get by without having me around as a scapegoat? Without having me around to specify whether a meeting is ‘regular’ or ‘out of the ordinary’?
Now, you are probably thinking inquisitively, “Surely you jest?” To which I would reply, “Of course, to a degree.” But I think I am hitting on something that is a difficulty in our tradition. We claim to be a people who honor the idea of the priesthood of all believers, but we differentiate between the fulltime members of the “priesthood” and the members of the congregation who play the role of part-time priests. We want to belong, to be fully immersed in the life of this family. Yet, we tend to be only special events specialists. That is hard. We want to be a part of something regular. To have people value us as in our shared humanity, not just as resource persons or spiritual advisors. We love to do those things too, but we want a place to belong.
A lot of these thoughts have fomented and evolved during this past week (see below). Maybe things will change, but I must admit that fear always being the outsider on the inside, that I wear the Mark of the Minister.
3 comments:
Two thoughts: First, whenever I've felt like the "outsider on the inside" I've often been convicted in my spirit to be my own solution. I think you're talking about a need for real fellowship (fellaship, perhaps?), for authentic and legitimate relationships, not those relationships defined by title and systemic expectations. To that end, consider getting busy with non-job-related relationship building efforts with them all. Take the initiative to invite them to your home for the same fellowship that you want to receive from them. (I realize they're all Yankees, but even Yankees have to eat...) Actively try not to be "the minister" every once in a while, and maybe they'll get used to seeing you that way. Second, and maybe more to the point, I have a working theory that people generally cannot judge a new place or a new context until they've been there for a year, living and working and shaking off the travails of newness. You know the stages of missionary culture shock, homesickness, resolve, etc. I don't think you can know or be known in less time than a year. Fear not. They'll see you and you'll see them in real light soon enough.
Thanks for your thoughts. I both appreciate them and agree with them.
One thing, you wrote: "Actively try not to be "the minister" every once in a while, and maybe they'll get used to seeing you that way."
I try to drop explatives whenever I am out of the pulpit, but it doesn't seem to work. Just kidding, of course.
You never were a good swearer. S-bombs just don't become your gravitas.
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