A Small Glimpse into My Life and Work: An Open Letter to the Lake Orion Church

Note to readers: We recently finished an elder selection process at the church were I minister. During the process, there were evidently several people who asked what I do to earn my living. The following is a piece that I wrote for our bulletin at the request of the head of the elder selection committee in an effort to answer some of these questions.

Preaching ministers have something going for them. Each week they get the opportunity to stand in front of the gathered people of God and bring a Word from the Lord. Now, this can be a blessing and a curse. Sundays tend to come every week, and the number of days from one Sunday to the next never seems to change. On top of that, spending time prayerfully living in Scripture and finding the Word the Lord wants to speak to the congregation each week can be a painful and daunting, if not paralyzing task. But week in and week out, the preacher is behind the lectern bringing another word, another embodied example of the work that has been done during the week.

This past week someone pointed out to me that it is not so easy to figure out or understand what I do during the week. For me there is no Sunday sermon, no public moment each week that is a shining example of where study, pastoral care, and the Kingdom of God meet in the proclaimed Word. As we talked, he likened my work to that of a lawyer. He asked, “Seriously, how do lawyers really explain billable hours? There is so much going on there, that it is really hard to put your finger on it.” It can be hard to put a finger on what I do; but, in spite of my better judgment, here I go, trying to explain my own “billable hours.”

I have to confess from the outset, that writing this little piece is a difficult process for me. One the one hand, it feels like shameless self-promotion, full of pomp and hubris, instead of an informative letter. Please understand that is not my intention at all. I know there is a very fine line between bragging and informing, and I hope and pray that this is not the former. Since I don’t stand in front of the congregation every week as a pulpit minister does, I know that some of you wonder what I do all week, and I guess that is understandable. But, on the other hand, I have to admit that feeling that it is a necessity to write this is also really painful, because I feel as though the hours and the energy I have put into my work have been totally unnoticed and that my integrity as a minister is being called into question. (Now, some of you may really just wonder what I do throughout the week. I guess I wish you would have felt the freedom simply to approach me and ask.)

One of the problems with ministry, especially if one is not preaching, is that there is no end to the assembly line. There are no easy results to see. I hope and pray that people are being formed, but that continuing conversion process is always in motion. There is no 2006 model that I can show you. So, what I try to do here is to offer you a window into some of what I do. Since coming to Lake Orion, I have been teaching our Bible school classes twice a week. For the past six months I have been leading two small groups on Sundays and recently started another during the week. Four days a week I have regularly scheduled times of pastoral conversation and Bible study with LOCC members. Instead of playing softball in the Christian league this summer, I decided to play soccer in Orion Township, so I can try to meet and develop relationships with some people in our community. I spend hours studying culture and music, so I can think about how they intersect with the gospel and use them as a spring board in speaking to people outside our walls. I try to dream and envision new ways for us to be outposts of the Kingdom of God in north Oakland County. I spend a lot of time tying up the loose ends or gaps that volunteers leave in our ministries. I spend a lot of time touching base with folks who I know are hurting. I have: written bulletin articles, an 18-week bible study on Luke, and seasonal devotional guides to help spiritually form our congregation; tried to help expand our avenues of congregational communication; proofread the bulletin weekly; and worked on several projects for the elders behind the scenes. On top of those responsibilities, I have been teaching one class at a time at Rochester College because they have a need. It is like many of you who “moonlight” on extra evening and weekend jobs. (My prep for those courses has greatly benefited my work at LOCC, serving as the catalyst for a lot of what I have done in Luke and with Tools of the Carpenter over the past year.) Like many of you, it is on top of those things that I squeeze in my time for personal and professional development, for reading, research, study, and prayer.

I confess that I am a work-a-holic. Before Natalie starting working at Rochester, she kept me honest about my sabbath keeping on Mondays. Since the first week she started working, I have rarely taken my weekly day off, but have consistently found my way up to the office to bury myself in tasks and responsibilities. My work-a-holism is sinful. I used to consider it a badge of honor to be constantly and consistently busy. I now realize that it is a deep, destructive, and addictive sin with which I struggle every week. As a result, I am spiritually and emotionally spent right now, finding myself at one of the lowest places I have been in several years because of my incessant “doing” and never resting in silence before and with God.

So, there it is, a small glimpse into my life and what I do. Reflecting on the above, maybe it seems like I don’t do anything because my hand is in everything, because I am spread so thin. But, that is one of the curses that comes with being the only full time staff member.

I was telling Ken on Wednesday that one of the strange things in all of this is that for all I feel like I do around LOCC, more often than not I do not feel like we are accepted as a part of the church family. I feel like many people here consider me a hired hand, just brought in to do a job. Some have tried to get me fired; people have slandered me and my ministry; one person asked me just before I preached one Sunday when I was going to leave Lake Orion. Even in the rare case where someone has apologized, those words remain, lingering in my mind and haunting me in the quiet moments of the night. I remember the Wednesday night Natalie and I told you that we are expecting. For a split second, something changed. I felt like some people, for a moment, viewed us differently, as though we had finally arrived, were complete, finally members of the family. I really struggled with it then. Much of that initial response has worn off, and I once again feel like contract labor. All of this is a big struggle for me; one that haunts me and my family.

I guess one more sign of that struggle is the fact that I am writing all of these thoughts as a letter in the bulletin because no one would come to me and simply ask me what I do. Please, if you have any questions about my work or how I spend my days, don’t hesitate to come and ask me. Some of us may never agree on whether I earn my salary or not, but at least come and ask me about my job before jumping to those conclusions.

I recently got this email from a friend, who somehow knew that I needed this in the midst of a moment of frustration and despair. I guess even just this somehow makes ministry worth it:

Hey you! I just want you to know that there are a lot of people here that do support you and are grateful of all that you are doing. We know that you are working hard to help this church grow. We know that you spend countless hours planning and praying and thinking of what this church can do to help people get involved and stay involved. I know that I can always count on you, day or night, to go pray for people who need spiritual guidance. Most of all, you set an example of working tirelessly for the cause of Jesus. Thank you for being you!